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jokes
Aug 11, 2005 13:16:53 GMT -5
Post by coop on Aug 11, 2005 13:16:53 GMT -5
[glow=blue,2,300] Kids in the back seat cause accidents. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.[/glow]
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jokes
Aug 17, 2005 20:51:54 GMT -5
Post by coop on Aug 17, 2005 20:51:54 GMT -5
3 boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The 1st boy says, "My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a poem, and gets $50."
The 2cd boy says, "That's nothing! My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a song, and gets $100."
The 3rd boy says, "Ive got you both beat! My father scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes 8 people to collect all of his money!"
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jokes
Aug 19, 2005 15:40:49 GMT -5
Post by *Brandie*33* on Aug 19, 2005 15:40:49 GMT -5
Oklahoma girls Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.. The first man had married a woman from Alabama, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away. The second man had married a woman from Florida. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table. The third man had married an Oklahoma girl. He boasted that he told her what her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper. Got to love them Oklahoma girls. ;D
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jokes
Aug 19, 2005 21:12:59 GMT -5
Post by mrbillohnoo on Aug 19, 2005 21:12:59 GMT -5
Two blondes were sitting on a park bench and one asked the other..."Which is closer, Florida or the moon?".....The other one replied "Well duhhhhh...can you see Florida?"
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April
Pit Crew Member
Posts: 125
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jokes
Aug 22, 2005 22:21:49 GMT -5
Post by April on Aug 22, 2005 22:21:49 GMT -5
> > A BRUNETTE, A REDHEAD, and A BLONDE all worked in the same office with the > > same female boss.Every day, they noticed their boss left work early. > > One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right > > behind her. After all, she never called in or came back to the office when > > she left early, so how was she to know? > > The next day, they all three left the office right after the boss left. > > The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and > > went to bed early. > > The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the health > > club before meeting her dinner date. > > The blonde was happy, happy, happy to be home, but when she got to the > > bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she > cracked > > open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss. > > Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. > > The next day at coffee break, the brunette and redhead decided they were > > leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was coming with them. > > "NO WAY," she exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday
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jokes
Aug 27, 2005 12:32:48 GMT -5
Post by boomerang on Aug 27, 2005 12:32:48 GMT -5
A mountain farmer who got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm and knocked on the farmhouse door. A young boy, about 12 opened the door. "Is yer paw home?" the farmer asked. "No sir he ain't," the boy replied. "He went to town." "Well said the farmer, is yer maw here?" "No, she ain't here neither. She went to town with paw." "How about your brother, Joe, is he here?" "He went with maw and paw." The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself. "Is there anything I can do fer ya?", the boy inquired politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer paw." "Well," said the farmer uncomfortably. "I really wanted to talk to yer paw. It's about your brother Joe getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant." The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to pa about that", he finally conceded. "But if it helps you any, I know that pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the boar hog but I really don't know how much he gets for Joe."
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jokes
Aug 27, 2005 12:37:31 GMT -5
Post by boomerang on Aug 27, 2005 12:37:31 GMT -5
A camper was stopped by a Michigan DNR Game Warden as he was returning to his campsite with a bucket full of still-live fish. "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" asked the Game Warden. "No sir - these are my pet fish!" the man replied. "Pet fish?" the warden asked. "Yes sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake where I'm camped and let them swim around for awhile. When they hear my whistle, they jump right back into the bucket and I take them back to camp." "That's a bunch of bologna" the Game Warden said, as he reached for his pad of citations. The man looked at the Game Warden for a moment and then said, "If you dont believe me, then follow me back to the lake to see how it works." Still suspicious but curious, the game warden agreed. So they walked to the lake. There, the man poured the fish into the lake, where they disappeared into the water. "Okay", said the Game Warden. "Call them back". "Call who back?" the man answered. "The fish!" replied the Warden. "What fish?" asked the man.............
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jokes
Aug 27, 2005 12:45:32 GMT -5
Post by boomerang on Aug 27, 2005 12:45:32 GMT -5
Jesse Jackson got out of the shower and was drying off when he noticed a white band from just above his eyes to the top of his head. Fearing he was turning white and might have to start working for a living, he called his doctor and told him of his problem. The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately. After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid, gave it to Jesse and told him to drink it all. Jesse did and said, "That tasted like sh-t" The doctor replied, "It was, Jesse. You were a quart low."
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