for all the ladies

[batman38]

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The

turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck

by lightning. One woman, in particular, loses it.





Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young

to

die," she wails.





Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes

on

earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me

feel

like a WOMAN?"





For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own

peril.





They all stare, eyes riveted, at the desperate woman in the front

of
the

plane.





Then a cowboy from Wyoming stands up in the rear of the plane. He

is

handsome: well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He starts to

walk

slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time.





No one moves.





He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest.





She gasps . .





He whispers . .





"Iron this. Then get me a beer."

[batman38]

Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."

Little Leroy was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Leroy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Leroy, of course thought he did.
Leroy's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behavior over the last year and write a letter to God and tell Him why he deserved a bike for his birthday. Little Leroy stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter One:
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your Friend,
Leroy

Leroy knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter Two:

Dear God,
This is your friend Leroy. I have been a pretty good boy this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank You,
Leroy

Leroy knew this wasn't true either, so he wrote another letter.

Letter Three:
Dear God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank You,
Leroy

Leroy knew, even if this was true, the letter was not going to get him a bike. By now, Leroy was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go to church.

Leroy's mother thought her plan had worked because Leroy looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," his mother said.

Leroy walked down the street to the church and up to the altar.
He looked around to see if any one was there.

He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary and slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door and sat down with a piece of paper and pen.

Letter Four:
I'VE GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Leroy

[batman38]

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he
reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and
noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

That's a Daddy Long legs." Her father answered.

"So, the other one is Mommy Long legs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Long legs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them
flat and said "Well, it might be OK in California or Massachusetts, but
we're not having any of that crap in Texas."

[batman38]

FRIENDSHIP

Friendship among women:
A woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her
husband she slept over at a friends house.

The man calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know about it.<?











Friendship among men:
A man doesn't come home one night. The next day he tells his wife
he slept over at a friends house.



The woman calls her husbands 10 best friends. 8 of them say he did
sleep over and 2 claim he's still there.

[coop]

[glow=blue,2,300]Let's see now...#1. So not funny ;( #2. Loved it!!! #3. It was pretty good & #4. Absolutely true!!! Lol ;D[/glow]

[batman38]

you know it was funny

[hater]

those were good , the first one wasn't every funny but the rest were great!!

[tinker]

The first one is totally wrong!!! The other's are pretty good.

[raceprincess77]

all of them were great! #1 men think that this is how to please a woman.