We ‘re Off to See the Wizard

[April]

Four United States Presidents get caught up in a tornado ...
and off they whirled to the land of OZ.

They finally made it to the Emerald City and went to find the Great Wizard.

" What brings the 4 of you before the great Wizard of Oz?"

Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly and said:
"I've come for some courage."

" No Problem! said the Wizard. Who ' s next?"

Richard Nixon stepped forward,
"Well, I think I need a heart."

"Done! says the Wizard.
Who comes next before the Great and Powerful Oz?"

Up stepped Dubya and said,
"I'm told by the American people that I need a brain."

"No problem! said the Wizard.
Consider it done."

Then there is a great silence in the hall.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around,
But he doesnt say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks,

"Well, what do you want?"

"IS DOROTHY HERE?"

[April]

A man entered a pet store to find a companion.

The store owner said, "I have just the thing for you! A parrot that sings", as he led the man to a brightly colored parrot sitting on a perch.

The bird had a string tied to each leg.

"What are the strings for?" the man asked.

"Well," the store owner replied, "pull the left string and he sings 'America, the Beautiful--pull the right string and he sings the Star Spangled Banner!"

"Amazing!" said the man. "What will he do if I pull BOTH strings!"

"I'll fall on my a**, stupid," said the parrot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE NEW PARROT

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said: "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "Oh well, that's really not so bad."

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Keith