YOU GOTTA LOVE OLD MEN

[April]

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court.
I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red,
orange, and blue.

The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the
old man staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he
sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything
wild in your life?"

The old man did not bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and had
sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

[April]

>>> I have a 60 lb. Amercian Staffordshire terrier mix. I was buying a large
>>> bag
>>>
>>> of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me
>>> asked
>>> if I had a dog? (Here's your sign - DUH!)
>>>
>>> On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was
>>> starting
>>>
>>> the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended
>>> up
>>> in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened
>>> in
>>> an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and
>>> IVs
>>> in both arms.
>>>
>>> I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
>>> it
>>> works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat
>>> one
>>> or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally
>>> complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
>>> practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
>>>
>>> Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
>>> food
>>> poisoned me. I told her no that I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
>>> Setter's
>>> butt and a car hit us both.
>>>
>>> I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
>>> laughing so hard!
>>>